Pre-internet Nostalgia

So back in the day when people were driving around in bottomless vehicles made from light stone material and bone fragments, other less than convenient but still rather handy social media alternatives were reigning supreme...and believe it or not, are still helping folks out today.

This website lists five, and while you can just as simply follow said embedded link and see what that guy had to say, you may as well skip all that and just read the successive, wholly entertaining and identical list by yours truly.


Numero uno: bulletin boards. Yep, that's right, 4X6 pieces of cork that are best used as a means to sell bass guitars, find babysitters, landscapers, and free kittens. Every once in a while something invaluable will pop up...like where and when to find book clubs.

Dos: CB radio. Now I thought these were designated to truck drivers and truck drivers only, but CB radios, aka citizens' band radio, also allow personal and business communications to tune in at great clarity. These would be for great cross-town Scrabble games...barring you're actually a trustworthy Scrabble player...which, you of course are not.


Tres: Morse code, baby! If you're in trouble this is what you rap, tap, and flash in fast-slow-fast succession. It's saved countless lives at sea, in air, and on land, and although S.O.S tends to be a last-ditch resort, 1,517 RMS Titanic ghosts bug Samuel Morse on a daily apparitional basis.

Uhhh...cuatro: Hallmark has made a killing off of these things, and while the best ones involve naked
old men, promiscuous babies, and chain-smoking penguins, there's been no nicer surprise than getting a card in the mail...with a $20 stowaway. In spite of the stamp price, emails can't hold a flame to the postcard.

Lastly, cinco: Telephone. Sure, you couldn't go much further than the kitchen without ripping the cord from the jack, but at least you knew the repercussions with this thing. Now you have to deal with reception and bars and battery life and whether you're phone is smart or dumb or if it flips or folds, or whatever. Can't beat that classic 'ring.'