The Facebook Method of Burning Bridges

Imagine this:

You're walking down the street, yo-yo in hand, streamers in your hair, minding your own business when, out of the blue, an old friend, no, an old acquaintance emerges from the bushes and begins walking in your very direction. As the distance closes, you wind said yo-yo and prepare for a (hopefully) brief moment of banal conversation that's normally of the one-sided sort. Suddenly, the acquaintance peers up, and in sheepish fashion, immediately stares down, at the concrete, the gum, and the residue of bird shit that is unbearably, unstoppably interesting. In fact, these specks of bird shit are so amusing, each one lined after the other in parades of abstract art, that this old chum strolls right past you, leaving you, yo-yo and all, watching this person pick up pace and turn the corner in a flurry of relief.

Now, you ask yourself, why in God's name did he/she ask to be my Facebook friend?

It happens all the time. Someone asks to be your pal on a wildly famous social network like FB, you accept, and then, nothing. The mission is complete. They've snagged you, and you, like any decapitated moose head, have become a trophy on their mantle, a lopped-off head for their wall - a picture and nothing more.

In an effort to avoid strange and up-close encounters with so-called friends, the cold, hard truth of the matter is to not befriend people that are not actually your friends! Yes, it's incredibly difficult to do, because, crappily enough, we have consciences. You know that dude you never talked to in high school who now wants to be pals, yeah, not gonna happen. And how about that chick you sat behind in Biology who had the terrible laugh? Again, give it a rest, toots. Be real about it even if it means you temporarily hurt their feelings, which you probably won't because it would be pretty accurate to surmise that you're not the only poor soul they're harassing.

If you're of the ilk that could care less about any of this, and perhaps enjoys stockpiling friends as much as any other sociopath, please disregard. And, oh yeah...